Today I witnessed someone steal from a homeless person. I think.

11 Jul

Today I witnessed someone steal from a homeless person. I think. Let’s go to the beginning, shall we?

I’m sitting in a Starbucks. Right outside the window is a homeless person. Not just any homeless person. A pregnant, homeless lady, so already I feel bad. I’m facing the window, gazing at the street for some reason, and she has her station set up directly in front of me on the other side of the window with her back to me. That’s when it happened. I’m just sitting there drinking my grande unsweetened iced coffee with way too much ice, and this lady’s sign blows a few feet away from her. Just a couple feet. In the 6 seconds it took her to crawl over and retrieve her sign, a guy crept around the corner, grabbed her cup of change and bolted off the same way he came. I literally gasped. Did I just see that?! The next moments were seriously heartbreaking. There was no way I could even do anything, since I was really far from the door and this all happened in under 6 seconds. The lady sat back down and reached for her cup. Gone. I saw her start to panic, get up, immediately start looking around with this look of despair as sadness and tears set in. I cannot express how much this moved me. My mouth was literally ajar and I couldn’t believe it. Really?!

So I did what I figure most people would do;  I ran outside and gave the lady some cash and brought her a Starbucks cookie. I don’t know, I thought that second part was a good touch—she’s pregnant and I feel like when I’m pregnant I will probably want to eat a lot of cookies. She was definitely in tears and very grateful. I also told her that the creepy bum that stole her change was a loser and karma is really a thing. God bless.

Okay so that is the story, and this should probably should be the end to the blog entry. However, then I went to rehearsal for the play I’m in, SUCKERFISH. (Cue plug: you can check out the cast and buy tickets here: Yes, this whole blog was actually just a ruse to get you to check out the play I’m in. Nah, it’s not. Actually I don’t know anything anymore.)

So I tell this story to my cast because ironically SUCKERFISH is a play about dirty bums. Spoiler alert! Also, I get completely naked in it, so you should totally come! (Mom: I don’t, but we need to sell tickets.) While two of the three other cast members seemed as horrified as me that someone stole from a homeless person, one guy was not as easily sold.

“What if you got set up?”


That never even crossed my mind. He then goes on to explain that sometimes homeless people will stage these scenarios with their friends.(I guess friends…or uhhh, homeless acquaintances? I’m not especially familiar with the community and if they are friends or not.) Passersby that witness these events feel terrible and give the homeless person probably a lot more money than they ever had in their cup.

Mind blown. Was I tricked? The more I think about it, it did seem a little fishy that a guy would come out of nowhere and she just so happened to let go of her sign right at the EXACT moment. Was it even windy out? I don’t think it was. It would have to be really windy for a sign to just fly out of your hand and I think I would have noticed such a wind. As a classic over thinker  I really did have to replay the whole scene in my mind several times. Can a homeless woman really be that great of an actress? They do have a lot of time on their hands, probably enough time to work on their acting chops. The tears, the frustration, the realization that her cup was missing, it really was like a tear jerking scene from a movie.

NO, ANDREA, NO. IT WAS REAL. It had to be. Right? I went to school for theatre, surely I could detect two bums executing some theatrical shenanigans on the sidewalk. I feel like I have no choice. I have to just believe it was real instead of letting some cynical cast mate create some looming question mark that will haunt me for days. Does a part of me want to stake out at that exact Starbucks for weeks and see if the same thing happens? Definitely, but stalking homeless people and their potential trickeries will get me nowhere fast. Besides, even if it was an act (which I’m really close to convincing myself it wasn’t), she deserves some major props. She made me FEEL something, feel real emotion and outrage and compassion. She deserves my cash and that delicious oatmeal raisin cookie all the more.

So, whatever. There are few lessons here. Don’t throw conspiracy theories at me, especially ones about homeless people, because I will overthink it and start to question anything and everything. That might be the only lesson. I’m sure there are more but this rant needs to be over and I’m just going to go to bed telling myself everything I’ve ever believed in life has not been a conspiracy. And that unicorns are real.

I did not get tricked by a homeless person. I did not get tricked by a homeless person. I did not get tricked by… a… homele…..night ya’ll.


Dre Dre “Suckerfish” Boehlke


9 Responses to “Today I witnessed someone steal from a homeless person. I think.”

  1. justaguy July 11, 2013 at 5:04 am #

    this was hilarious.

  2. Jake Mortimer July 11, 2013 at 5:14 am #

    #countrygirlproblems Great little article though!

  3. VinceVega July 11, 2013 at 5:23 am #

    I like the way you write, a good story teller 🙂
    People are so skeptical right? Surely if a pregnant homeless person gets stolen from, its legit….well I hope so, or that karma you were talking about is gunna bite that poor girl, or her baby, right in the bum

  4. joshmonden July 11, 2013 at 5:45 am #

    Wow what a story! It could very well have been staged unfortunately, you do have to question anything and everything these days. I would have said only in NY but that would happen in Toronto too as well as other areas. Quite sad really.

  5. Edward (@uk_edward) July 11, 2013 at 6:52 pm #

    I feel like I just watched an episode of Louie.

  6. victorschueller400550589 July 12, 2013 at 6:12 pm #


    Great story (and while I am too far away to come and see you in the show, break a leg!).

    You know what, setup or not, tricked or not, you followed your heart, and did what your soul told you was the right thing to do. If the other people are in a position that they feel they need to orchestrate something like that to get money and get something to eat, then you helped them get what they felt they needed. Generosity is a positive exchange of energy, and by giving, you will get something back ten times. 🙂 Just remember that.

    Great job following your heart. I am not the least bit surprised either. 🙂

  7. Sluggo July 17, 2013 at 11:38 am #

    You better be careful, next thing you know that homeless chick will be after your job.

  8. Mr. Mojo (@MrMojo_01) July 22, 2013 at 12:31 am #

    My first impression reading your story is that it was a con. Nothing you can do about it even if was except know that you helped out someone who needed the money a lot more than you.

  9. linux hosting August 5, 2013 at 12:49 am #

    Hi! Do you know if they make any plugins to safeguard against hackers? I’m kinda paranoid about losing everything I’ve worked hard on. Any tips?|

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: